Fake FWDs-- Your next assignment

Okay, thanks to Mark's comments on fake email forwards and his desire to write some more, our next assignment is to construct plausible yet ridiculous FWDs. Afterward, we can choose to release them in the wild.

Here are our guidelines:

plausible, these things are usually based on urban mythological settings such as things that could almost happen

humorous, that's part of what brings us together, isn't it?

original, not a direct rip-off of what we have already experienced, but borrowing ideas or mixing up two or more of these would be fine

infectious, it HAS to have that stupid part at the end about forwarding it to "everyone you know" or something


Personally, I have the most disdain for the faith-based FWDS, so that is probably where I will start on mine. Since I am active in my church and have a lot of church-going friends, I might end up with more of these things. I REALLY hate the awful poetry, so I give that as my first example:

>>From: QTxtian@hotmail.com

>>To: relientK412@yahoo.com; hisworld17@hotmail.com;

>>jesus-sk8ter@hotmail.com; britneyspears5107@yahoo.com

>>Date: October 5, 2004

>>Subject:If they only knew...

>>Brothers and sisters, this note was found at 

>the bottom 

>>of the locker of a freshman girl in one of our 

>area schools.  

>>It was found by her friends and teachers when 

>they cleaned 

>>out her things after she committed suicide:

>>

>>"don't you know how your words hurt me,

>>when you point how your fingers feel

>>you laughed and call me freak

>>before you prayed for your school lunch meal

>>

>>I once came to your youth group

>>and you turned your back on me

>>you made your church a social caste

>>and never reached out to me

>>

>>Just because I dyed my hair

>>and put goth make-up on

>>Doesn't mean that Jesus hates me

>>or that I should be withdrawn

>>

>>So I hope that you find this note

>>After I've done my deed

>>And the next time you point and laugh

>>at someone you will heed

>>

>>By now I am with the one who loves me

>>and will never seek for me harms

>>because I am now with Jesus

>>he's holding me in his arms.

>>

>>Forward this message to everyone in your 

>youth group 

>>as a warning to not ignore or dismiss 

>people.  

>>Unfortunately, the girl who wrote this 

>note is not in 

>>Heaven, but in hell because killing 

>herself was a sin. 

>>Don't let this happen to someone you 

>know, Jesus loves 

>>everybody, and so should you.  

>God bless!

Props go to RhymeZone for helping me with some of these attrocious lines.

So, there's your assignment, get busy. I am also awaiting my next picture assignment, I think I can do even more with this tablet-pc-hybrid notebook...

--gh